The Luxury Of Luxury Cars

Last week I was "privileged" enough to learn why certain cars are referred to as "luxury vehicles". The answer? It's because if you're like me, you have the "luxury" of waiting roughly 3 to 4 months before you get to step foot in your car, let alone see your actual vehicle. Sigh.

Wait a sec, catch my slight admittance? Surprised much? I thought I made my intentions known but in a semi-ambiguous way. Maybe some dimwits missed the redirection of that entry so let's just say I opted to skip the bowl of ice cream and instead went balls to the walls and ordered a new ride. In typical Jason fashion, I was being very particular and nothing in the national inventory pleased me so I decided to go the custom build route. I'm not going to say anything further regarding the actual vehicle since a little mystery does a blog wonders. But for those savvy enough, you can piece together the hints and know precisely what's in store.

Why exactly is the wait so ridiculously stretched out? Well, some genius decided that it would be suitable for the car production plant to completely shut down to allow its workers to go out and get blitzed for the entire month of August. I'm not too entirely comfortable knowing there's an off chance that my vehicle will be assembled by a bunch of hungover Germans. The next few months, my impatience patience will be pushed to the utmost and severely wracked. I'm only a week deep into the process and already the anticipation is upon me. Ahhh!! I'll just have to stick to the forum boards and window shopping to help pass the time, ha.

Keep the hype alive,

Jason K.

Autodultery

My conscious is heavy with harbored feelings of guilt for I had an affair behind your back. I know my admittance to my deceitful act will probably tarnish my image but hopefully it will be unsullied and my actions justified once you read this entry...

I was first unintentionally introduced to her by my own parents shortly following my return home from college. She captured my interest but I dismissed my feelings of attraction since I already had you. Her and I continued to have sporadic encounters, sometimes even while you were present. All of those run-ins played on my mind and thoughts of her became more frequent. It's quite probable that you will have some recollections of her if you tried to. She is like you, high maintenance and is from the other side of the pond but with a more European swag. She exudes class and the lines of her body curve like there's no tomorrow. It's evident she's into aviation and has a thing for horses, which I find to be downright sexy. It pains me to tell you that she has you beat in pretty much every department.

Anyways, you and I started to have our differences so I went to the guys for advice and in the talks, I mentioned my increasing interest in her. The fellas knew of her and a positive rapport between them was already established. They did reveal to me that she has a set of twins, which I openly accepted since I feel I'm mature enough to handle them. I received urges from the guys to drop you in exchange for her since they felt that her and I were a more compatible pair. I readily agreed and began to craftily piece together my master scheme of hooking up with her.

Well, it came to fruition, and here I am telling you that I'm not all that sorry because it just had to be done. I mean seriously, can you blame me for going after something proclaiming to be the "ultimate experience"? ahhhahaha...

- Keep the hype alive,

Jason K.

Loose Ends From The Weekend

A hodgepodge of my weekend randomness...

- blazed a trail while playing a round of disc golf at the local course in Golden Gate Park. The game abides by the same concept and rules of regular golf but instead of balls and holes, you have discs and baskets. In theory, the game sounds simple but it's far from it. Your biggest adversary while playing will probably be yourself. Unless you're a physicist, it's tough judging how much force to exert and your point of release in order to obtain optimal trajectory for your disc. You will have a few miscalculated throws, which usually leaves your disc prone to either a premature landing or being deflected wildly by a tree. Yes, there are a plethora of undesirable variables like trees and shrubbery, which all prove to be a nuisance. There were several instances where I was knee deep in foliage just to retrieve a misguided disc. Hm, thinking about it, it would be wise for me to take a crash course in botany so I know which plants to avoid versus just blindly diving in like I've been doing.

If you're a fellow disc golfer or want to try it out, holler at me because I'm always game. We can pick up a 12 pack and hit up the course any weekend. Be forewarned that you will get dirty, break a sweat, and be sore the days after.

- the parents returned home after a weeklong trip to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. Those lucky folks of mine are entering retirement early it seems. I'm starting my career as they are about to end theirs. All they have to do is sell off a few pieces of their property and they'll be set for life. I'm burning with envy just thinking about it! Anyways, they thoroughly enjoyed their vacay, which consisted of endless beaches and liquor. Speaking of, as a souvenir, they gave me a set of tequila shooters with worms in them. Way cool indeed.

- cruised around 19th and parts of the avenues in a 1970 Chevelle SS with the rag top dropped. It was utterly gangsta and um, dope as fuck!! Major props to B for the ride around town. So sorry we were not around when the car stalled by Lake Merced though, haha.

- killed a spider that was HIDING BEHIND MY BATH TOWEL!!! I fucking knew it. I really did.

Keep the hype alive,

Jason K.

Ode To My Favorite Pair Of Jeans

You have always been my numero uno, that is undoubtedly true.
Sadly, time has not been kind and you're no longer a vibrant blue.
Your brown seams were once golden and stitched together tightly.
Now they've been torn apart and tattered. My god, is it unsightly!
I've tolerated your imperfections and still claim you as my favorite pair,
Even with your impending retirement courtesy of a forming irreparable tear.
Before I say bye, allow me to reminisce of our times and to say thanks.
You and I experienced a lot, from stubborn food stains to booty spanks.
You will not be forgotten, you will indefinitely remain second to none.
I'm running out of lines to rhyme so this ode is done.

Keep the hype alive,

Jason K.

I'm Getting Carpal Tunnel

While I'm counting all this bread (Rapper E-40)

Lucky me will be thumbing through some extra dollar bills soon because I was given an increase in compensation today at work!! It came as a shock so it made the achievement so much, much sweeter. It's not an astronomical figure, nor is it a humble one. It's a decent amount, and definitely more than I ever expected to receive in a single instance. Okay, all modesty aside, I'll toot my own horn and say that in terms of percentages, it is in the double digits. YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

That's just half of the good news. The other half pertains to a newly opened position at work that I will be seeking to fill. More on that later since I feel talking about it this early on will be a jinx.

The first round of drinks AND the 2:00am pizza will be on me this weekend.

Keep the hype alive,

Jason K.

Those Damn Brits

Those British folks can now add another item to their "Cool Things Americans Wish They Had" list. You can safely assume that accents/slang, tea time, and Victoria Beckham (man, she's a total stone cold fox) are atop that list. The newest addition to that list is...

Showing FREE hardcore pornography during a televised rugby program. (BBC news article)

I bet some wanker misheard "rug burn" for "rugby" and popped in a video cassette from the "rug burn" porno series, haha.

This situation reminds me of when television viewers were able to catch glimpses of free uncensored porn for a few minutes from Playboy back in the mid 90s. Playboy was alloted the evening hours on some local cable network, which typically didn't air anything relevant to porn. Anyways, all you had to do was keep it locked on that channel as it switched from regular programming to Playboy and you were treated to porn until Playboy's system scrambled the image. If you're a heterosexual guy that grew up in the 90s, you know exactly what I'm talking about; it's common knowledge among us, ha.

Keep the hype alive,

Jason K.

Parents Know Best

Their sage-like ideals and words are intended to be digested as grains of wisdom. They are to be trusted for it is assumed that they always have your best interests in mind. Yes, parents know best.

WRONG. And here's proof why...

My parents would have named me "Jade" if I had been born a girl. No Joke. C'mon really, Jade. Not even a consideration for "Jennifer" or "Jackie". Thank the chromosomes that made me the appropriately named male I am today.

- Keep the hype alive,

Jade-son K.